Tuesday, 23 April 2013


When I was young I remember this time when I happened to be in an emotional emergency situation over this lady. I can't lie and say she was not beautiful because she was. I know for most this was enough to be driven crazy but I was not.
There was more to it than what met the eyes. I admired her confidence and modesty ; confidence not in the conventional sense, standing before a crowd and screaming nonsense, but in the way sbe potrayed herself. She knew who she was (and is)
Modesty not in her being conversant with the western lifestyle, but in the appreciation of where she is from. This is what I admire(d).
I couldn't tell her what I thought or felt ( I didn't want to create tension between us). I wanted the situation to remain as it was. The Modesty, The confidence and more so that sense of self assurance in her. I did not want this to decipate. Many would consider this move naive but it was the best decision I ever took.
"Feelings are mutual", my friend once told me, well in this case am not sure if it was so - and I don't want to guess so. I liked the fact that we could sit and talk over hours- or so it seemed, without pausing or pretending to be busy doing something so as to pass time; it just flashed by. I wish there was no concept of time.
Talk about myself, talk about yourself, talk about ourselves - no we did not do that. Talk about politics, no, talk about sweet consuming emotions, no. Can't even tell what we galked about but can tell when.
I like a challenge and sometimes I don't. Well, she was one and in this case am not sure if I liked it or not. A sense of confusion I guess. So elusive she was, one minute before your eyes, the next ...
Time passes and you know you feel differently but you are not sure what or why so your mind casts back for something that might give that difference : a word; a glance, a touch... I remained shaky afterward. Subject to distortion. But entering sophomore year I could feel it growing stronger, sturdier, that honest constant portion of myself, a link between my future and my past.
I could not let this be distorted -though at times I felt it being extinguished and when rekindled, itwas crazy.
All along no word, glance or even a touch would give it that shape -no matter how hard I tried to find one that would.
A rocky feeling - one might say.
" There goes my wife". I don't know what came over me this day. I said these words as she walked in class- to myself, that is. The confidence, modesty, that stride of pride not of what she has but who she is, that soft - is it alto or soprano. I don't know - voice,that always sunk my words whenever she said 'hi' to me. That focus and simplicity that always drew me closer though not enough, that sense of appreciation and complementing even the smallest of actions- attention to detail, blew me off EVERYDAY. How many men would not want to be possesors of this qualities in their homes- in a wife. If you think I am mad for saying what I did. No one, and if there is let him enrol priesthood or papacy or at worse a psychiatric ward. <br>
I did not want to elevate her to the place of a goddess, but with these attributes, I couldn't help,&nbsp; she was one in my eyes. I worship God not her though. <br>
Have you ever seen someone who looks beautiful no matter what she puts on? What if you saw her in a wedding dress? MADNESS.
Anyway, long story short, I am still young.

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